Olivia Tuck’s poem ‘according to the many who loved her’ came third in the Best Single Poem category of the 2025 Disabled Poets Prize.

The Disabled Poets Prize looks to find the best work created by UK-based deaf and disabled poets.

according to the many who loved her

according to the many who loved her she loved books loved greeting cards loved toffee loved airports loved kangaroos tiny commas in the pouch when debating on use of cliché in poetry she’d say leave the moon out of this she was a natural editor she had such an eye for it such a wide unclouded eye for it the only thread that could cobble her together was language she once found a seal vertebra on the beach she accumulated facts about jacarandas she opened her arms for all seasons because for everything there is a season she was not religious although she was repentant she was honest although partial to embroidery she could be wicked she’d refer to her laugh as a fishing vessel’s cold engine resurrecting she’d talk with her mouth full she’d sometimes spit she was not slender she’d belch she’d pick the grime from under her nails when she was a baby she’d slip behind her granny’s curtains to shit throughout her uni days she necked those dayglo Wetherspoons pitchers she pissed on numerous Clearblue sticks she carried everything you could possibly need in her bag painkillers mints tissues perfume tampons johnnies nail varnish nail varnish remover dry shampoo pens a bottle opener a doll-sized first aid kit one time she stayed awake with me held ice to my bruised face told me I’d be fine she was the one you wanted with you when you went into labour she was the one you called in the unthreaded hours you’d know when she loved you because she’d cry for everything you’d suffered when she was small she told a man she met in Sainsbury’s she could feel a pea under her mattress she’d break at the thought of breaking the most banal school rule she was so different in the holidays inside the ivory membrane of her christening gown she trembled she was born furled she rarely moved in the womb yes she was the princess our princess her smile was the moon in the old Disney cartoon of Alice the moon before it becomes the Cheshire Cat’s mouth she was bright like Venus’s little mirror we lost her at the beginning of the twelfth week of her first job a customer had demanded she write her name down so as to complain there had been a change in the weather she’d forgotten her prescribed medication she’d refer to her periods as visits from the axe-woman we knew before they told us we knew before the ringing the phone the door the siren oh in the name of the sun the stars the horizonless sky the russet drought-blighted land please tell us there was quiet light for her to travel into please tell us there was mauve blossom 

Note: Statistically, Autistic women are 13 times more likely to die by suicide than neurotypical women. 

About Olivia Tuck

Olivia Tuck has had work published by the Poetry Society and Broken Sleep, and in several print and online journals, including Under the Radar, The Interpreter’s House, Perverse and Propel. She was placed second in the Jane Martin Poetry Prize awarded by Girton College, Cambridge, and longlisted for the Rebecca Swift Foundation Women Poets’ Prize. She is an associate editor at Lighthouse. Her pamphlet Things Only Borderlines Know is out now with Black Rabbit Press.